Peace With My Period

The maximum memories I have of my period are associated with humiliation!

My first period happened when I was traveling with my cousins, wearing a white pair of trousers (argh!). The mere sight of watching myself covered in blood seemed shameful and unnatural somehow. To add to the worse, the thought of breaking this news to my aunts and uncles was just too humiliating to bear. All I wanted to do was to melt into a puddle and slide away, away from everyone. I tried to hide it till we would reach home, and luckily nobody noticed it. As soon as we stepped inside, I rushed to the bathroom and all I could think of was my mother. I frantically called her from the bathroom, where she congratulated me and later, divulged it to my aunt.

Another memory is from my high school days. I was wearing a white skirt and attending a class, when I noticed blood trickling down my inner thigh onto my skirt. I bolted out of the class, straight to call my aunt, to come pick me up immediately. All this while I was praying no one notices this hustle. When she arrived, I just wanted to run away from that place and curse my body.

For the longest time, my period has been nothing less than a war cry. The fleeting moment of relief (when it arrives) turns to annoyance pretty quick, and no matter how much I try, I cannot control my wimpishness. On most occasions during my period, I am irritated and cursing myself for being born a woman. It wasn't until a few years ago that I began thinking about menstruation outside of my cycle every month.

A decade after that high school incident, I surprised myself by applying for a job at Carmesi — a company focused on period health and equity. A lot of friends questioned this choice, but what caught my attention was the company’s mission. Millions of young girls across the world are forced to skip school because they don't have access to period products. Carmesi helps with this by providing period starter kits and feminine health education to girls across the country.

During this application, I thought about that unfateful day at school, when I sprinted from the classroom — I had rushed back home, took a shower, grabbed a handful of sanitary pads and prayed to never be seen like that again. However, the revelation that something as natural as menstruation compels young girls to miss school, shocked me. It got more disheartening when I thought about the long term implications of incomplete education.

And so, to ensure my contribution in this wonderful cause, I accepted the job and started working with the organization I believed in. What I did not realize at the beginning was, how much working with an intimate hygiene company would change my relationship with my own menstrual health.

How I Turned A New Leaf?

My relationship with my period changed in a couple of ways, and it all started with a change of mindset. Now, I acknowledge my period more than just a 7 day bleed; it is a part of a cycle. And each cycle teaches me something about my body and health. I have also diligently started tracking my period and understanding what each phase means for me — in terms of ovulation and my most energetic days in a month.

I believe it is imperative to understand one's period cycle and the associated hormonal highs and lows, from one's own experience. Feminine hormones including estrogen and progesterone both drop right before menstruation, and lead to tender feelings or sadness in most women. Understanding this science helped me track my cycle more proactively and do constant checks on my period app. I have begun to look forward to my period, and in fact, addressing those days as my self care days. I try to curl up in my bed with some hot water, a book and comfort food during this time. By learning to anticipate these days, instead of dreading them, my period is now a protected part of my health.

Planning my life as per my body’s data feels like such a superpower. Before the pandemic, I had even started to schedule dinners or any other high energy events accordingly. I would politely decline parties and gatherings if I knew they would fall on the first day of my period. It is much easier now, working from home, where I can limit my daily activities based on my cycle. Mentally too, I have allowed myself to surrender to the period pain and stopped fighting it; this has helped me make peace with my period. And literally, how our body sheds the uterine lining every month, I am learning to shed all that unwanted stress from the previous month and give my period a purpose.

I am a big believer in small changes making all the difference. Small changes in daily routines including not scheduling social events before or after work, enjoying a quiet lunch amid nature, going to bed early and waking up early, diligent meditation and yoga are a great way to be gentler and kinder to your body during your period. Ultimately, making peace with my period has been about letting go of humiliation and embracing the opportunity to connect to my body.

For women who suffer from PCOS, endometriosis, PMDD or any other condition that exacerbates period pain, this process is much more difficult. I think the key is to be patient and kind to your body and eat healthy.

Lastly, I would encourage all women to think this through and understand what baby steps we can take to look forward to our period, considering the unique lifestyle and period cycle each one of us are in. While making peace with my period has been a wonderful by-product of the work I’ve done with Carmesi, the concern that initially drew me to it is still very much prevalent.

In order to overcome period inequity, it is important to make this topic less of a taboo. I firmly believe that if more menstruators would make peace with their own periods (no matter how or when their periods show up), we can begin to have more open and frequent discussions about menstrual care.

And as is the case with most institutional changes that we wish to see on a large scale, we often must start with ourselves.!

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Are you at peace with your period? Or do you loathe those days of the month? What changes do you observe in your behavior during this time? Are there more ways you could suggest so I look forward to my periods? Let me know your thoughts and suggestions in the comments section.

Xx, AG